Belonging. The invisible bedrock of white privilege

The feeling of belonging is fundamental to white privilege. In this article, I will explore how belonging is the invisible bedrock of white privilege.

When I first heard the term ‘white privilege’ I’ll confess, I bristled. I felt my hackles rising, I was annoyed and felt resentful. I thought I was being labelled a posh privileged person. On top of that, I felt like I was being accused of being racist. It was as if I was being attacked for simply existing in white skin. “I’m a decent human being”, I thought to myself, “how can being white possibly mean I’m racist or a bad person?”

I shut down my laptop and walked away. I knew I was angry, and couldn’t shake the feeling of being attacked.

Eventually of course I calmed down. But my feelings that day stuck with me. I’m not prone to anger and resentment. So, how I felt that day left a mark on me. In hindsight, I’m not proud of the way I reacted. But, I realise that I’m not alone. Many people behave this way when they hear about white privilege.

White privilege is not what I thought it was

That was several years ago, and I’ve learned a lot since then. The most important thing I’ve learned is that white privilege is not what I thought it was.

White privilege is not about being posh nor going to private school nor having an easy life. White privilege is about one thing — the absence of racism from our lives. Now, not experiencing racism is a massive deal and this is why having it absent from our lives is a privilege.

But how does the absence of racism show up in our lives? What does it mean?

Well, I like to think of white privilege like this: as a bubble of protection from racism. The bubble is almost invisible and difficult to see. But when I do see it, I can zoom in on it. It’s there that I notice that this bubble is made up of 4 distinct threads. They’re all jumbled up together, like a ball of wool.

These form the basis of white privilege. This jumbled mass of almost-invisible threads. Each thread represents an idea, a concept, on which white privilege is built. The 4 threads of white privilege are:

1. Having a sense that our skin colour belongs in society
2. Having more opportunities open to us because of historical laws and policies
3. Being able to ignore racial inequality without consequence
4. Being seen as individuals

Today I’m going to talk about the first one, having a sense that our skin colour belongs in society. You can read about the others here.

White privilege is about belonging

The uncomfortable truth of white privilege is this: as white people, we never question whether or not our skin colour belongs in our society.

You see, our society regularly and frequently confirms to us white people that ‘our white skin belongs here’. White skin is everywhere. It’s the default setting if you like. For example, 90% of MPs are white, 95% of all top positions in the UK are occupied by white people and white people are overly represented in the media.

This means that as white people we see ourselves represented in society. This means we can be confident and assured that our skin colour belongs here. So, if you have white skin you benefit from this feeling of belonging, just as I do.

The many ways society says ‘your white skin belongs here’

There are so many ways in which society tells us ‘your white skin belongs here’, that I literally could not list them all.

Let me give you some concrete examples:

• If we cut our finger or sprain our wrist we will have no trouble finding a plaster or bandage which broadly matches our skin tone
• If we are looking for some underwear which matches our skin tone, again we won’t have much trouble finding it. In fact, the underwear is likely to be called ‘nude’ or ‘bare’
• However we wear our hair is just fine, it’s ‘normal’ in fact
• Our hair is so ‘normal’ that every hairdresser around can cater to us
• And every shop has shampoo which is fine for our hair
• No one finds our hair so unusual and fascinating that they try to touch it
• When we watch a film or TV programme a vast proportion of the characters are white
• The white characters in film or TV are varied and multi-dimensional
• When we flick through a newspaper or magazine we will always see people with white skin
• If we open up a history book or a children’s book we are confident that our white skin will be represented
• When we move to a new neighbourhood we don’t have to worry about being excluded or harassed because of the colour of our skin

This list could go on and on (and on and on and on). These are just a handful of examples. If we take each one on its own we might think “well that’s not bad”. But combined, they make up a massive deal. They leave us with a very clear impression that we fit in, this society is for us, we’re ok here.

Why belonging matters to white privilege

The feeling that we belong matters. It matters because every human being has a basic human need: we all need to feel that we belong. We need to feel connected with each other, and belonging is fundamental to that. Belonging is beyond question, it’s primal. When we feel as if we don’t belong, we experience suffering. Scientific fact.

Brene Brown describes belonging as a deep-seated form of human connection. She says “Love and belonging are irreducible needs of all people. We’re hardwired for connection — it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The absence of love, belonging, and connection always leads to suffering.”

So, the ever-presence of whiteness in our society leads us white people to feel like our skin colour belongs. This is a privilege because this feeling is not universal. It is not widely felt by black people and people of colour due to black and brown people being underrepresented in our society. This means that many do not feel like they belong.

Not belonging leads to suffering

Take another look at the list above. In every one of those examples, black people and people of colour are excluded. And these are just a handful of ways in which black people and people of colour are excluded from our society. Add that to the thousands of other tiny ways our society leaves them feeling left out and we’ve got a problem. That problem is a lack of belonging (among other things). And as we know, a lack of belonging leads to suffering.

So, we white people get to feel like we’re part of society, while communities of colour do not. White people feel as if we belong, while communities of colour do not. This means that black people and people of colour suffer.

Belonging should not be a privilege

When you read through the list above, you’ll probably notice that these things don’t feel like privileges. They feel normal, everyday, mundane in fact. And that’s because they are normal, everyday and mundane — to us. This is a very important point. They are so normal to us, that they don’t feel like privileges. But these very normal things act as silent confirmations that we belong. I call these micro-confirmations.

So normal is the feeling of belonging to us that we don’t think of it as a privilege, white or otherwise. Because we haven’t made the connection between our whiteness and our sense of belonging. These micro-confirmations are so normal to us that we don’t realise they’re not normal to other people.

In a perfect world people of all races would receive micro-confirmations. All races would feel like they belonged in the society where they lived. We wouldn’t have to think of belonging as a privilege. But we don’t live in a perfect world. And this feeling of belonging is a privilege. A privilege that I have as a white person. If you’re white then you have this privilege too.

In a perfect world we’d all feel like we belonged

Let’s think about what this perfect world might look like. For example, imagine if I go for a run with my black friend and we both trip, fall and cut our shins. We go to a shop where both she and I are able to buy plasters that match our skin tone. This is a small example of where both our races are represented, and we both belong.

I think it’s important to ask these questions: Would my life change if both my friend and I could easily buy plasters that matched our skin tones? No, of course it wouldn’t. My life would be unaffected. But, would my friend’s life change? Yes, it would. Her life would be made a teeny tiny bit better. Why? Because she’d finally be included in this feeling that I’ve had all my life — the feeling that she belongs.

It’s about including people of colour

In summary, white privilege is the many small ways our society lets us white people know that ‘we belong here’. From plasters, clothing and hair, to representation in history, media and at work, every tiny little portrayal confirms our sense of belonging.

The point is, if we extend these ‘privileges’ to communities of colour, the lives of white people won’t change one bit. But the lives of people of colour will be infinitely better.

So it’s important to remember when people talk about getting rid of white privilege, this is what they mean. It’s not about erasing white people, it’s about including people of colour.

How can that possibly be a bad thing?

Thanks for reading.

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